People come to therapy for a number of reasons. Some people have distressing feelings, thoughts, or behaviors that they want to change. Some of the causes of these distressing things are buried deep in the subconscious part of the mind. And it can take an empathic, sensitive therapist to help discover those causes and make the needed changes.

A therapist’s job is to be curious and understanding and NOT to be judgmental. A therapist needs to create an emotionally safe environment where the client can talk freely. Using her knowledge, training, and experience, the therapist will offer new ways of viewing the problem, will teach new skills, and will help the client develop a new set of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors so that he/she can live a better life.

Here are some things to think about as you are working with your therapist:

• Good therapy takes investment.
• Good therapy takes time.
• Good therapy takes patience.
• Good therapy takes persistence.
• Good therapy takes teamwork.
• Good therapy takes consistency.
• Good therapy takes an open mind.
• Good therapy takes honesty.
• Good therapy takes trust.
• Good therapy takes courage.

One of the most important ingredients in a good therapy is a good therapeutic relationship. The client and the therapist need to make a good connection where the client feels that the therapist cares. They must work together during the easy times, but also they must work through the difficult times, as well, resolving differences and repairing the disruptions in the relationship.

I hope that you find a therapist who can make a good connection with you and that you can use your experience in therapy to reach your goals and improve your life.

Rebecca Tendler, Ph.D.